Wow...if it's not one thing, it's another...and another...and another.  Why is it that it seems that everything around me is falling apart? The only thing that doesn't seem to be falling apart is mine and Lee's relationship--that is growing stronger each and every day.  If it weren't for him just holding me and letting me cry for just a minute on Sunday, I probably would have had a complete mental breakdown.  He means Soooo much to me and I can't even begin to show or tell him just how much.  but, the good thing is, I have my Whole life to do so.  It's funny.  I have had so many bad relationships-I was either abused or cheated on-that I really didn't know how I should be treated or what to expect from a guy that actually cares.  When you are treated like crap by just about every guy you've ever dated, and then meet this one guy that treats you like a princess from the first moments that you meet, you start thinking that this guy is too good for you...then you decide to give the whole relationship idea a chance and you start being treated like a queen and you start wondering what is it that this guy wants.  then realize that he doesn't want anything...just you.  I told him when we first started dating that after all the relationships I have had in the past that he was too good for me.  he told me that I better not say that ever again because he wasn't.  it's been 10 months and I'm still in "la-la land".  There is nothing that I wouldn't do for him and vice versa.  He has been able to bring out the Real me-not the dark, depressed, hateful person that showed in the past cause of all the hurts.  He helped me pick up the pieces of my heart and make it whole again-no one else even really tried.  There is just SO much that he has done for me. 

I asked him Sunday night after I was feeling better what I did to deserve someone like him.  And as you all know-we met online--the dating services do work sometimes.  His reply  "You answered your dang e-mail"-jokingly.  He had e-mailed me the first time in January 05--right after one of my relationships ended and because I was still at the "what did I do wrong" point, I didn't answer.  When I finally did answer, I was seeing someone and told him so, but that I would like to meet him and at least make a new friend...that new friend grew to be so much more and I broke it off with the guy I was seeing knowing that I didn't belong with him...I belonged with Lee.  But, through all the bull that I've had in my life the past 12 months that Lee and I have known each other, he never once walked away like so many others did.  And yeah, we had talked about getting married after we had been together 6 months and all, but I really didn't realize just how serious he was until he talked to dad and then I realized just how much I really meant to him on Christmas Day 2005 when he asked me to marry him.  Just the look in his eye that day--he knew I would say yes, but the look in his eyes just showed how much he loves me.  Even through all the bull that has been thrown at me the past week with my family--as upset as I've been and somewhat depressed, his mom has told me that I still have a twinkle in my eye when I'm around Lee.  She's told me that she can tell just how real our love is by the way we look at each other, by the way we are when we can't see each other, everything.  When I go over there when he's home, she and I will talk and all before he gets there and she can just see how happy I truly am.  I'm finally happier than I have ever been--even through all the pain I've had with everything going on in my family, my job, whatever.  Lee makes me happy.  He's never once left my side. 

All he wanted was a chance.  All I wanted was someone to take me for me.  We both got what we wanted and so much more

i have a date!!!  may 26, 2007.  i found the PERFECT dress, but my mom is saying no cause it's $800 off-sale.  she wants to spend no more than $99 for my dress.  i'm planning a small wedding...why can't i have the dress that i want?!  grrrrrr....i mean, i tried the dress on and it fit perfect...it was it..ya know?  but, hey, what can you do?  i'll get it on my own if i have too...but i will have that dress  here's the pic